Monday, February 20, 2012

My Soul Says......

There is no beginning nor end for you
Death is Life and Life is Death
Neither the Future nor the Past
hold any meaning
Just the way that you believe in a love
that you have never seen,
Your conciousness exists forever.

Inner Core by L'Arc~en~Ciel
translation by Megchan


The blooming flowers sway
As the rain pours down
Over the sunken earth

-Niji by L'Arc~en~Ciel
translation by Megchan

I wanted to do a painting that reminded one of the Victorian era - an old crackled piece that had a feeling of remembering a loved one that had passed away. Back then, personal articfacts were used to mark a person's existence- their hair was often weaved and put into a locket, for example. I wanted that feeling in this painting, so I used real roses and wire to help create that.

The truth is
that everone's hearts are fragile and cracked
Drenched by the pouring rain
You stand still
But I believe in you
Niji by L'Arc~en~Ciel
translation by Megchan

Blurry Eyes

The changing seasons threaten to steal my promise
Though I hold out both my hands,
Your heart is far away.
-Blurry Eyes by  L'Arc ~e~Ciel
translation by Megchan

                                     I really do enjoy drawing. Especially eyes and hair....

Flower Nocturne

The fluttering flowers bloom in the sky
Coloring the years of memories
A faint scent in my conciousness
Becons me into a deep sleep
-Yasouka by L'Arc~en~Ciel

After drawing this portrait, I found a cut rose on my way to my car one afternoon at the grocery store.
Its funny how we can perhaps conjure things in our lives,
and then perceive them as gifts.

Still I'm With You

As if there is no end to the monetary twinkling
Still enamored of love without promises
You Fly High
-Still I'm With You by L'Arc~en~Ciel

As I was painting this,
I was thinking of loved ones who have passed
and feeling them comforting me.


The falling snow tenderly unfolds your smile
Pieces of you, pieces of you lie in me inches deep
WinterFall by L'Arc~en~Ciel

Sex and Death - Contemplating Life's Mysteries

Colored by the sin that rains down
I keep drifting down the withered road
I won't let anyone touch this love
Even if that means turning my back on God
-Finale by L'Arc~en~Ciel
translation by Megchan

Love and Sex...Death...Religion
 I often think about these mysteries.
I wish to look at them without fear, without being intimidated.

In The Air

You fly over the Earth
Can't you see that I am tied to the ground?
You fly over the Earth
And finally you melt into the sky
You're floating in the air....
-In The Air by L'Arc~en~Ciel
translation by Megchan

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Good Morning Mr Fear

 I died, then my instinct was born
-Shinshoku Lose Control by L'Arc~en~Ciel

Last year a good friend was suffering from major anxiety.
I have had anxious moments -however, not like my good friend was experiencing.
 The fear became a constant in her life, and it eventually won.
She committed suicide in June.
"Shinshoku-Lose Control" and "Get Out From the Shell" are songs that remind me of how she must have felt.
This is a painting in a shadowbox with collage elements.
The heart and moon are made of porcelain.
The flowers and lace are fabric.

"Worried heart is beating with darkness
Feeling so cold and tight inside of the skull...
Blind fear is lingering around
Falling to the deepness of the inner spiral"
-Get Out From The Shell by L'Arc~en~Ciel

The Flower that Floats in the Darkness

"The scattered flower petals, the drops are crimson
The waning moon spins around, projecting an eternal love"
- Kasou by L'Arc~en~Ciel  translated by Meg-chan

Kasou is the first L'Arc~en~Ciel song that I fell in love with, and this is the first drawing that I attempted to do of Hyde. There was something in the way that he sang this song that stirred me. The feeling of sadness and angst drew me in. When I looked up the english translation, I was moved at the feeling of loss, emptiness and longing to be with a loved one who was gone.
Upon visiting my brother last summer, I noticed that a rose bush that Laura had planted yielded only one red rose. My brother said that since she had passed, the bush only grew one rose per season.

It was Laura's last parting gift....


     Through Space and Time
                     The Path Unwinds     - HYDE "Unexpected"

       Death is a powerful entity. It surrounds us even if we don't notice. It's there. Waiting. Unexpected.

  Death has always been an underlying theme in much of my work. I think that my fascination with Death started when I was about 7 years old, when Sally died. Sally was my canine friend who I knew since my birth- a dog that I grew up with. She had to be put down when she became sick. My father wouldn't let me see the body or watch as he buried her at the bottom of the hill in our backyard. I wasn't allowed to ask questions or talk about it. I didn't understand Sally's transfomation. I think that this was the beginning of my fascination with Death.
 My mother died when I was 16. Several other deaths have occured in my life since then, but 2 years ago, another person who was very significant in my life passed away. She was my brother's wife, but really, she was a "sister" to me. She died at the age of 32, of cancer. I didnt do any art for months after she passed.

 It wasn't until I was introduced to Hyde's music that creativity was sturred up inside me again. I loved the emotion in his voice, even though I did not understand the lyrics, as they are predominantly in Japanese. However, the emotion was there, and it grabbed me and held me close. Something inside me clicked. I somehow knew the feelings that he was conveying without understanding the words, and it seemed almost magical to me. The sadness, the loss, the love, and the feeling of a slight twinge of hope caressed me. I later learned that Hyde was indeed expressing the loss of a loved one that had also passed from cancer. I listened to the album ROENTGEN on repeat. It inspired me to create a sculpture, and helped me purge my emotions concerning Laura's death.

  This sculpture is a collage. She is called Shi no Megami or Goddess of Death.
She greets us with open arms, with bird wings and a luna moth in her belly.
She has the symbols for Life on her right hand, and Death on her left.
The symbol for love is at her feet- For love is the basis of our lives-
It is what we stand on.