I wanted to do a painting that reminded one of the Victorian era - an old crackled piece that had a feeling of remembering a loved one that had passed away. Back then, personal articfacts were used to mark a person's existence- their hair was often weaved and put into a locket, for example. I wanted that feeling in this painting, so I used real roses and wire to help create that.
"The scattered flower petals, the drops are crimson
The waning moon spins around, projecting an eternal love"
-Kasou by L'Arc~en~Ciel translated by Meg-chan
Kasou is the first L'Arc~en~Ciel song that I fell in love with, and this is the first drawing that I attempted to do of Hyde. There was something in the way that he sang this song that stirred me. The feeling of sadness and angst drew me in. When I looked up the english translation, I was moved at the feeling of loss, emptiness and longing to be with a loved one who was gone.
Upon visiting my brother last summer, I noticed that a rose bush that Laura had planted yielded only one red rose. My brother said that since she had passed, the bush only grew one rose per season.
Death is a powerful entity. It surrounds us even if we don't notice. It's there. Waiting. Unexpected.
Death has always been an underlying theme in much of my work. I think that my fascination with Death started when I was about 7 years old, when Sally died. Sally was my canine friend who I knew since my birth- a dog that I grew up with. She had to be put down when she became sick. My father wouldn't let me see the body or watch as he buried her at the bottom of the hill in our backyard. I wasn't allowed to ask questions or talk about it. I didn't understand Sally's transfomation. I think that this was the beginning of my fascination with Death.
My mother died when I was 16. Several other deaths have occured in my life since then, but 2 years ago, another person who was very significant in my life passed away. She was my brother's wife, but really, she was a "sister" to me. She died at the age of 32, of cancer. I didnt do any art for months after she passed.
It wasn't until I was introduced to Hyde's music that creativity was sturred up inside me again. I loved the emotion in his voice, even though I did not understand the lyrics, as they are predominantly in Japanese. However, the emotion was there, and it grabbed me and held me close. Something inside me clicked. I somehow knew the feelings that he was conveying without understanding the words, and it seemed almost magical to me. The sadness, the loss, the love, and the feeling of a slight twinge of hope caressed me. I later learned that Hyde was indeed expressing the loss of a loved one that had also passed from cancer. I listened to the album ROENTGEN on repeat. It inspired me to create a sculpture, and helped me purge my emotions concerning Laura's death.
This sculpture is a collage. She is called Shi no Megami or Goddess of Death.
She greets us with open arms, with bird wings and a luna moth in her belly.
She has the symbols for Life on her right hand, and Death on her left.
The symbol for love is at her feet- For love is the basis of our lives-